I always envy chiaki who have nodame to cheer him when he's down. I want to have someone who cheer me up too :D well the good things is I do have some friends who always cheer me and say not to give up. But it turns awkward when you text a good friend about your situation now but she or he did not really read it so she or he think that I made something but in fact I didn't. 

I'm just laughing when I saw the text, I know my friend didn't really read it. So I don't mind, by the way chiaki and nodame ever been in this situation, and chiaki said that nodame are just sow some salt on his wound, but then nodame straighten her point and at the end chiaki is cheered by her. It's so sweet I think. (and show everyone how freak I am for nodame :P).

I just miss my friends so much, but I don't think things are different even if I'm in Bengkulu. Everyone are very busy now. So did my friends here. It must be good if I join some local community here. I should find one. I missed volunteering. Ulan text me again today said no one coming. I'm so sad but can't blame my friends there, I know they are all busy. I just hope they will come next week.

It's a reflection.

This month I was apply for a scholarship, but I didn't even pass the administration selection. There are a lot of question in my head that I already know what the answer is. 

I was in rush when I apply, actually I'm not really confident when I tried to apply, my father was in hospital during the online application process so I couldn't focus, I'm pretty sure that maybe there were something I missed to fill when I submit the data, or maybe I am not eligible enough today so I was not selected. I was sad the first hour I know it, but then I am okay, at least I learn something from this. I should do everything soon when I have a lot of time, not to do everything in rush and always believe that maybe Allah won't let me go because I need to do something else here.

I do not want to give up my dreams to continue studying about children, I will always keep that in mind, I will always work hard and learn more so I am ready when I got the chance, wherever that be. 

I'm not talking too much yesterday, maybe my brother saw me and he thought that I might be so desperate, in fact I miss my sleep hour, I can't sleep and that's why I was so quite that day. But my brother came and talked to me, He say he was thanks that I'm not getting the scholarship now, He said he need me during his study, he need someone to motivate him. (In fact I never really motivate him, I just think that he need someone who can understand him and he think I am the one, it's actually weird because just like others bro sis relationship, we fight everyday for just unnecessary things).

It's not only my brother, last week my cousin told me so. She said she need my help and it will be good if I'm around her for the next two years. I don't know what happen here, I never  feel that my brothers and sisters really needed me. I just lost for 4 years and now everything turn 180 degrees. 

I can't promise them that I will always be here for them, I also want to develop my self. I want to see how will I grow up in every different place, It is not only for studying, it can be working or other activity. I give them my view that every different places will build our self, that is why I don't want to stuck just in one place, at least not when I am alone and have no husband or own a family. I want to see the world.

Today I'm still teaching here in Cimahi, the best thing I get is a very precious time with my family after 4 years. I watching TV together with them, see some festivals with my brother, taking my father to the hospital, taking picture. I feel so blessed now. 

But I still want to see my self grow up. I don't know in what way Allah will let me to grow up, I dream high but my mother told me not to set the expectation too high, because I'm the one who will be disappointed. 

For now, this is my homework : Work Hard, Learn more and Pray. 

I went to pasar seni itb 2014 with kinan :D, It's been mmm maybe a month since we hang out together so we really excited when she asked me to come together. 

Well, It's fun but I don't know, there's a lot of people there so that even we're in outdoor we were difficult to breath, and I actually I did not really enjoy because it's too chaotic with rain came every 30 minutes. But it was the greatest event managed by student I've ever come. they did well, a lot of people came, a lot of sponsors and media partners. I've ever becoming an event organizer when I was in college, but if I looked at pasar seni it was huge and I feel what I did was so little. 

This event held only once in four years. I think this is why it became hits.

Hari ini ada buku baru datang ke rumah :) It's Kreatif Sampau Mati nya Kak Wahyu Aditya.

Jujus sebenarnya saya udah mupeng beli buku ini dari tahun kemarin, tapi seingat saya waktu itu saya ke gramed dan uangnya abis buat beli buku lain, jadi cuma sekilas baca. 

Ternyataa kalau jodoh ga kemana yaa, hari ini bayu pulang bintal dari pusdikpom, suaranya habis. Dari ceritanya seru sih, jadi kepingin ikut bintal juga, asal jangan lama-lama hehe. By the way, buku ini adalah oleh-oleh dari bintalnya, karena dia anak jurusan animasi di AKN, dia (gatau kenapa, lupa ceritanya) dikasih buku ini. Sebelum bayu sempat baca (dia juga tepar duluan sih), saya sabet duluan nih buku buat dibaca, and this book is amazing. 

Dulu saya adalah orang yang pengen jadi guru titik gamau jadi yang lain, tapi diakhir semester kemarin saya bimbang sendiri, yakin mau jadi guru ? gimana gajinya ? cukup buat harian ? bzz, itu sebenarnya pertanyaan dari orang lain, saya sendiri tetep pengen jadi guru yang baik, tapi pertanyaan dari mereka lama-lama nancep juga.

Belakangan saya lagi semangat lagi gambar-gambar acak-acakan soalnya bayu juga lagi semangat belajar gambar, saya pengen banget belajar dari bayu, pengen bisa bikin animasi buat anak-anak nantinya, dan saya rasa ini bisa dijadiin bisnis kalau diseriusin, sedikit-sedikit sih yaa, tapi saya semang selalu jatuh cinta sama hal-hal unyu kaya gini dari dulu, animasi, crafting, sewing argg, walaupun ga ada yang bsia dikuasain satupun sampai saat ini.

Buku ini bikin saya sadar juga kalau semuanya harus dijalanin sedikit-sedikit, dan saya ingin nyoba sendiri siapa tau suatu hari nanti saya bisa jadi guru yang ngajar pagi terus siang atau sorenya kerja di studio animasi sendiri hahahaha (ini tulisan yang bikinnya ga nyadar umur banget yaa).